The statistic still stands that half of the marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. Alex and I hate hearing and seeing this statistic plastered everywhere and mentioned as a reason not to get married.
I personally have felt the sting of divorce. My parents divorced when I was ten and it certainly impacted my life in a dynamic way.
That’s why we strive to help couples from the courting stage to the married stage to enjoy their marriages. It’s so possible and it’s not a myth.
Imagine what the world would be like if marriages succeeded! How would that change your life? Studies say that happily married men live longer! What could that mean for our husbands, fathers, grandfathers and sons?
So if there are such great benefits to being married and if it’s possible to have a healthy marriage, then what’s the problem? Why are marriages failing? Well, there are many reasons, but in this post, we’ll tackle the one phrase and the mindset that could be the culprit behind many failed marriages.
If you’re looking to divorce-proof your marriage before it begins, discover a way to protect your marriage and family from divorce or find ways to help save your marriage, this post is for you.
So, you know the magical depiction of marriage where boy meets girl and they fall in love, get married, have two children and a white picket fence surrounding their enormous house, oh, and they never have a fight? It’s all just sunshine and rainbows!
This is what we think marriage should be like, right? Marriage takes diligent effort to serve one another, forgive quickly, biting your tongue, submitting to one another and most of all commitment!
The fairytale can come true, just not without putting in some elbow grease. A happy marriage isn’t one absent of conflict or disagreements. We’re setting ourselves up for failure if we think that is how marriage really is.
Furthermore, your really setting your marriage on the path of destruction, even before it begins, if you use one simple, yet deadly phrase.
Are you ready for it?
“If it doesn’t work out.” Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this phrase is almost a ticket into a Divorce Attorney’s office. Do not pass Go and pay your $200 dollars to the receptionist on your way in.
This phrase is so cringe-worthy because the moment you utter it, you open a window for satan to come right in and have a seat until he finds something he can use to tear your marriage up! In no fairytale have I ever heard of the Prince marrying the Princess under the “If it doesn’t work out” pretense. Marriage is an “Until death do us part” type of commitment.
Think about it this way, why waste thousands of dollars on a wedding or thousands of hours in getting to really know someone if you’re not planning to spend the rest of your life with them? That’s just being wasteful.
I believe half of the marriages in the U.S. end in divorce because of the previously mentioned phrase and the mindset that if my spouse doesn’t make me happy 24/7, then I’m out. Here’s the reality; your spouse was not put on this earth to make you happy. He or she should not be your source of happiness. It isn’t even possible for him or her to fulfill such a role. That is a lot of pressure to place on someone. That’s why God has to be our source of joy and peace.
So how do we get rid of this cursed phrase and flawed mindset? Here are some thoughts:
- Stop using it! Each time you do, you’re setting your marriage up for failure because you’ll always think of divorce as an escape route when things aren’t all peaches and daisies. Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose. Proverbs 18:21 (The Message Version)
- If you are questioning whether it will work out, take a knee and pray. Make sure you have peace about marrying this person before you say “I do”. If it means calling off the wedding, it’s better than wasting the time, stress and money that a wedding and divorce will cost you. Take some time to fast from one another to allot time to think clearly about whether this is the person you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with. My husband and I did this and it was extremely beneficial. We didn’t do this because we had doubts. We chose to do it because we wanted to make sure our relationship was going in the right direction and that we weren’t just in love with the idea of being together.
- Go to premarital counseling. Not only does a certificate from a licensed minister or counselor get you a nice discount on the marriage license (in most U.S. counties), but some juicy stuff will come out of it too. More than likely, you’ll both air your dirty laundry enough to know whether or not you should walk down the aisle. But, Premarital Counseling isn’t just about uncovering the things you and your significant other haven’t talked about. It’s also about deepening your relationship and learning more about each other.
- Make a true commitment. We decided before we got married that the D-word is bad and we would never use it. Make the decision together to be committed to your marriage even if you have a healthy conflict or disagree on something (this does not apply to toxic nor abusive relationships). We made the choice to never play with the idea of divorce. No matter how upset we become with each other, we have made a sound decision to refrain from even alluding to divorce. It has to be that serious for you and your loved one.
- Get those peeps on board. If you have friends or family members that use this phrase when referring to your relationship, cut them loose! Just kidding, unless you need to. We are highly influenced by the people in our circle. If we have someone constantly in our ear talking to us about giving up on our commitment, then we just may do it. Tell them you don’t use that kind of language when you refer to your marriage or future marriage and you’d prefer they don’t either. Inform them that you’ve made a commitment and you’re sticking to it! If you’re like me, you’ll be one of the first in your family to get married once and remain happily married for the rest of your life!
If you want a successful marriage, you both need to be all in. If you were using this phrase, notice the change it makes when you stop. We’d love to know the progress you make in the comments when you do!
With Love,
The Gibsons
