But…family is also that group of people that can drive us up the wall, especially during the holidays! Your family feels like they know you the best, even if you’ve told them a million times you no longer like the color purple or the nickname they gave you when you were ten makes you want to disappear.
Despite how long you’ve been married or how much time you’ve spent with your significant other, your family thinks they are experts in understanding who you are.
Don’t get me wrong, your family knows a lot about you, enough to probably tell several embarrassing stories about you once they get the chance. However, your spouse or significant other is the person you spend the most time with, so chances are he or she knows you more than your family does.
Nonetheless, when you get around your family, no matter how old you are, you will always be the little Bam Bam or Yum Yum they once knew. This can present a problem. Why? Great question!
When you bring your spouse or significant other around, your family may think they have the liberty to meddle. They may think they have freedom of speech in your relationship and insert their unsolicited opinions because they overhear you two talking. Suddenly, it’s not just you and your spouse having a conversation, it’s you, your spouse and Aunt Bertha.
So what can we do to protect our relationships from budding family members?
- Converse elsewhere! No matter how low your voice is or how private you think your conversation is in the midst of a crowd, take your significant other away from the family to talk about important matters.
- Choose the right timing! Maybe fussing at your husband for forgetting the diapers for the third time in the kitchen where yours or his nosey aunts are preparing the
mac’n cheese is not the right timing nor place to have that discussion. Choose your timing wisely and usually, that is when you two are alone behind closed doors. - Politely tell them it’s none of their business! Yes, you may be a child to your parents and grandparents, but the reality is, you two are grown adults in a grown adult marriage. You don’t need the opinions of your family every time you have a disagreement or every time you talk to your spouse. Kindly tell them that you’ve got this and then, leave the room with your spouse!
- Don’t go running to your family! If your mom is your closest friend, please do your best to avoid telling her about issues in your marriage. That is between you and your husband unless of course, you are in some form of danger. When we run to our families about every little thing our spouse does that offends us, it will offend our families too. You and your honey will kiss and make up, but guess what? Your family will still be upset about it, putting your significant other in an awkward position.
- Resolve it before you go into the house! If you and your spouse just had a disagreement in the car, stay in there until it’s resolved. Your family may not know everything there is to know about you, but chances are, they know when you’re upset. Do your relationship a favor and tame that monster before you get around your people or theirs. This will avoid the constant “are you okay?” questions and eliminate the temptation to spill the beans about what happened before you guys reconciled the issue.
There you have it, 5 Keys to Family-proofing your relationship. I pray this helps to prevent major conflicts between you, your loved one and your families. Let me know if you can relate or if this post helped you in the comments!
