So you know when you don’t know what to call that person you’ve been spending all of your time with because you have not DTR’d (defined the relationship)? Or maybe you have and you call each other the pet names but you haven’t sat down to talk about where your relationship is going. Can you relate to one of those scenarios?
I remember that I always got burned the most in life when expectations were not clearly defined. When I was unsure of where I was going, what I was doing and whether the person I was with would stick around I became more unsure of myself. Here’s the bottom line, YOU DESERVE BETTER! How do you get better? Thank God you asked! You communicate upfront!
Say goodbye to the days of worrying about the status of your relationship or whether you should completely be yourself or say what you’re thinking because you have no idea what the other person may be thinking. Communication is the only way to set yourself up for success vs. setting yourself up to get hurt in the long run (or short run).
So what do you say? How do you go about it? Let’s begin…
- Communicate early! You have to be bold and say what you expect early on. I mean you should be communicating that you want to remain celibate on the first date. That’s right! At dinner or before the movie or whenever you get the moment to talk to each other, communicate! This goes for girls and guys because we all fear the risk of running people off. If they run after you express that you don’t want to kiss until your wedding day, then be gone with them! My husband and I were very clear with our expectations from the beginning; now look at us!
- Share what you like and don’t like. If you communicate best over the phone and don’t really like texting, let that be known. If you think morning texts are cheesy, maybe let the person send a few and politely let them know that bothers you. It’s important to inform the person you’re getting to know who you are and what makes you tick. He or she wants to do things that impress you, so if smoking and drinking around you will repel you, SPEAK UP!
- Talk about timing. Know yourself. If you know you’re not ready for a relationship, be honest with yourself and with the person you’re getting to know. Don’t string someone along for the sake of being in a relationship. I remember telling my husband when he was pursuing me that I really had to pray about taking our friendship to the next level. Part of that was because I wasn’t sure I was interested. The other part was because I was in a rough place and wasn’t sure if it was healthy for me to be in a relationship. When I was ready and felt that God gave me the green light, then I let my husband know.
- Set Boundaries for yourself. No one knows your freaky tendencies more than you. Don’t even act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. If you know that kissing leads to rubbing and rubbing leads to stuff you said you wouldn’t do, then communicate that you won’t be kissing until the day you say “I Do!” Know your limits and what you and God have deemed acceptable. Once you set these boundaries with yourself, communicate them with the person you are getting to know. How would they know if you don’t say something?
- Set the ultimate goal! Marriage should be the goal of any romantic relationship. Communicate that marriage is where you’re headed, not “Let’s just see where this goes.” That phrase is a sure way to end up in the land of the unknown that we talked about before. Not knowing where your relationship is going and being unsure of yourself. Remember, YOU DESERVE BETTER! If you’re not getting to know someone romantically for the purpose of marriage, then what are you wasting your time for? You can casually get to know people on social media. It’s free and you don’t get long-lasting emotional scars from it. I’m just saying.
Communication up front is essential, but it doesn’t stop there. It’s so important to effectively communicate once you get past this point. Stay tuned for more posts on communication.
If this post was beneficial for you, let me know in the comments!
