I immediately felt tension cripple my breathing. I felt a knot forming in my throat and I instantly felt like something was wrong. It was the strangest thing. I had never felt this way toward my husband.
The ugly, green, jealousy monster had hopped onto my back and was hanging on for dear life. My husband and I have a talent that we share. However, my husband is much better at this gift than I. When he uses his gift, it is like the Heavens are opening and it flows so naturally. When I utilize this this gift, it seems forced and is less natural. In fact, I need training to get to the level in which my husband is on.
It was all fine and dandy when neither of us were using this gift publicly. But then…the fateful day came. My husband was asked to use his gift at church. See, it was okay that he was more talented than I until he was being recognized for his talent and I wasn’t.
When he began telling me about the invitation to use this gift at church, I felt so envious of his natural ability to bless people and God in a way that I craved to do for as long as I could remember.
At some point in our lives, we will encounter someone who is better at what we want to do. I never imagined that my encounter would be with my husband. Then, I began to think about it. The people closest to us are more than likely going to be the ones we become envious of because they’re so dogon close to us! Sisters jealous of sisters, spouses jealous of spouses, cousins jealous of cousins, friends jealous of friends. These are the relationships that mean the most to us, but they are also the gateways to the most hurt when it comes to jealousy.
So what can we do when the mean, green, jealously monster jumps on our backs? Try these 5 things:
- Be grateful for the talents that God gave you! You are talented too! My husband reminded me that I am incredibly gifted in other areas where he isn’t. This was humbling because I realized I was harping on the one thing I couldn’t do as well and was forgetting the things that I was great at. Remember that God gifted you with talents that you could be using to bring Him glory.
- Affirm and cheer them on! This may be the hardest part of the process, but they need your support. If they need anyone in their corner, it is you. When they want to talk about the opportunities God has given them, don’t frown your face and refuse to listen. This isn’t always going to be painless, but fake it until you make it because he or she needs to be able share their experiences with you. Cheer them on and pray for the best for them regarding this gift. Affirm them in it and encourage them to use their gifts to glorify God!
- Seek to know where the envy is coming from. What is causing you to feel this way? What do you need to do to heal that part of you? For me, I never received affirmation or approval from my father who also has the same gift as my husband. I have always wanted validation from someone who may never offer it. I would look for it in other places and hope people would give it to me. So when my husband started getting recognized for this gift, it hurt, but it had nothing to do with him. Ask yourself what the real root of the issue is because more than likely, it’s not really the person you’re jealous of that is the problem. Overcoming the envy and finding the cause of it may require counseling and that’s okay.
- Be honest with them. My husband thanked me for being honest because he could tell something was bothering me, and I told him instead of holding it against him. He actually shared that he had been jealous of me at one point when I was utilizing a gift he didn’t possess. Because I was honest, he and I were able to grow and become closer. It caused us to be more vulnerable with each other. Share with the person you’re envious of, especially if they are a family member, spouse or close friend.
- Work on you! I immediately began reading a devotion on envy when I woke up the next morning. I did not want to give the enemy any leeway to try and destroy my marriage with this simple issue. I knew I needed help with this problem and couldn’t overcome the way I was feeling without God. I encourage you to find some great spiritual wisdom in books, devotionals and other literature to strengthen you in this area.
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