How to #WIN at being Single

Being single is a blessing! Wouldn’t you agree? If you said no, I don’t blame you. Being single sucks, right? No, that’s WRONG!

Being single really is a blessing and we often take it for granted. Don’t get me wrong, I love being married to my amazing husband.

However, when I got married, I lost the ability to go and do whatever I wanted without having to talk to my husband about it. Now that we have a child, I have to consider the needs of my child before I just decide to take a trip somewhere or have coffee with one of my friends.

When you’re single, you have freedom to make your own schedule and if you don’t meet your expectations for the day, the only person who’s going to be upset about it is you.

So why does it seem so hard to be a single person? Our society does a bang-up job at making single people feel really crappy about being by themselves (notice I didn’t say alone).

The world hypes up Valentine’s Day, Christmas and cuddle season to be holidays that require having a side piece.

People constantly attempt to figure out what’s wrong with a single person if they aren’t married with two children by 30 years old.

Let me tell you what’s wrong with you…ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! You’ll get married and have a baby when it’s the right time for you.

I was single once too and I didn’t enjoy it for a while. I took it for granted until I realized that it was a gift. It wasn’t easy to start winning in my singlehood, but I had to make some changes to be happy.

Here are a few things I did and encourage you to do:

1. Stop Comparing! Don’t compare yourself to anyone on social media or T.V. People post highlight reels on social media and of course they look like they have it all together. You probably look flawless in your highlight reels to someone else too. Comparing yourself as a single person to married people or even other singles is toxic and prevents you from loving who you already are. So if you need to, get off of social media and focus on achieving a few of your short term goals without the voice of comparison buzzing in your ear telling you you’re not enough.
2. Know who completes you! Another person is not going to complete you. Life is not a movie. You have to know that once your married to Mr. or Mrs. Right, you will still have moments where you have to choose to be happy. Finding your soulmate is not going to fix everything in your life or make it peaches, daisies and rainbows. It’s important to be complete before you meet that person, so if they disappoint you every once and awhile, your world isn’t completely shattered. God is the only one who can complete you. He loves you more than anyone ever will and He is the only one who knows you better than you know yourself. Choosing to let Him be your source of strength and joy takes the pressure off of you and other people. If you enter a marriage expecting your spouse to make and keep you happy, you are on the fast track to burnout and probably divorce. Rely on God to fulfill your hopes and dreams, not another person.
3. Trust His no! I have a screensaver on my laptop that says something like, “When God gives you a no, give Him a ‘thanks’. He was protecting you from less than His best.” I can’t tell you how many times I tried to force a relationship or stayed in one all in the name of “I can change him!” When you see that something is not fruitful or is dragging you down, cut the ties! Don’t try to make something happen when you know it isn’t right for you. You want God’s best, not just an arm around you or a hand to hold for the sake of not being alone. You’re single, not desperate.
4. Disconnect! If you’re still following exes or old flings, why? Are you keeping tabs to see if they’ve moved on? Is that making you feel any less lonely? Disconnect from ALL of your old flings if you haven’t COMPLETELY healed and moved on. If you still have feelings for someone who wasn’t right for you or you still think about them from time to time, disconnect from them. Delete their number. If they weren’t good for you before, chances are they won’t be in the future. You don’t need to hang onto their numbers with hopes that you might rekindle the flame. If you’re meant to be together, they’ll find you. UNFOLLOW. Your unfollow game should be strong. Stop keeping tabs on them. Unfollow them on all platforms and don’t ask a mutual friend about them either. Refrain from letting your friends give you up dates about your ex and tell them to hush talk about how they wish you’d get back together ‘cause you’re so cute together. You don’t need any of that.
5. Surround yourself with like-minded people. If you have a single friend who always has a new pair of legs in his or her bed, you may want to be selective with the amount of time you spend with him or her. That type of person is not embracing their singlehood; they are searching for something they’ll never find in the randoms they date. Instead, hang out with people who are focused on helping others through service, winning on the job and seeking to be their best selves. These people will motivate you and encourage you to be your best self, which is the goal, right?

Feel like that was a bit of tough love? It was, but as a single person, you have the time to do what’s best for you. Marriage is a mirror and it will show you what you need to change about yourself. Don’t wait until you get married to work on you.

Marriage is so much fun and my husband and I aim to show people that, but there’s nothing like being single. Embrace your freedom. There will be plenty of time for cuddling in the cold, bringing someone to Thanksgiving dinner and having the most romantic Valentine’s Day once you get married. As for right now, be single and love it. It’s one of the best gifts life has to offer!

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