Congratulations! You’re married or engaged now! Marriage is one of the most rewarding and challenging journeys you’ll ever embark upon but if you both put in the work, you will be happily married until the end of time!
Joining your finances is a big step but it’s a wise and an important decision to make. It shows that both of you are willing to truly become one (Mark 10:8). This topic is controversial for some because less people are finding it necessary to combine their finances, but in our experience (and according to scripture) becoming one flesh in the financial department is beneficial, as well as necessary!
Alex and I started the conversation about money before we got married. We talked about how much we would be bringing to the marriage during Premarital Counseling. It was a safe place to tackle what can be seen as a difficult topic.
We talked about how much we made, wanted to make, how much we had each saved, wanted to save after marriage and how much we would live off of.
That conversation set us up for success with money in our marriage because we decided to be transparent with each other about our finances before it began.
I’ve personally seen how stressful a marriage can be for everyone involved when a husband and a wife are not transparent about their finances.
According to the divorce statistics provided by Wilkinson & Finkbeiner’s Family Law Attorneys, 73% of marriages in 2018 ended in divorce due to lack of commitment.
Commitment has everything to do with finances. If you’re not committed to disclosing your financial information with your spouse, you should ask yourself why you aren’t and why you’re getting married in the first place.
Starting a life together requires that your spouse knows how much you make, what your taxes looked like last year and how much you plan to use for monthly expenses.
If you’re not married yet kudos to you for looking at how to join your finances before marriage. If you’re already married kudos to you for looking for information to make the change in your finances.
For those of you on the fence about why you should blend your finances after you say “I do” this post is for you.
We’re called to it. Alex and I are Believers so this was the first and most influential reason why we combined our money and put it into one joint account.
Matthew 19: 5-6 and Mark 10:8 are very similar scriptures as they both mention that God called the man to leave his father as well as his mother and he and his wife will become one flesh.
Even if you’re not a Believer, you can recognize that a married couple is a team. You can’t play together as a team on most occasions and then be individuals when it comes to money.
Once you get married, you’re a team for life. You can’t tap out on your marriage every time you check your bank account.
Trust. Trust is the second biggest reason why you should bring your money together. If one spouse is willing to be an open book in the financial department and the other isn’t, this can cause trust issues.
If you or your spouse are already working through trust issues, you’re sliding down a slippery slope by not being transparent.
If your spouse doesn’t know how much you make and where every dollar is going, you’re withholding information that your spouse is entitled to.
What is the point of hiding it from your spouse anyway? Consider this, when you die, if you do so before your spouse, they’ll find out how much you had anyway. Why? Because they’re entitled to it as your spouse unless you signed a prenup. If you want to talk about that, let me know in the comments.
You got married to share your life with someone, right? So that means your whole life, not just pieces of it. If you’re having trouble doing that, consider seeking counseling.
There is no I in team. Which means there’s also no his or her money. If you put $20 in your spouse’s tank are you asking for it back? If so, your finances aren’t joined and you’re not operating as a team. Your spouse shouldn’t have to pay back what already belongs to him or her.
As a team, you’ll be working together to make big financial decisions like purchasing cars and homes, vacations, paying off debt, etc. Use our Debt Repayment Calculator to see how much debt you both might need to pay off and then, make a plan to do it together!
Your teammate deserves to be a part of those decisions as he or she is going to help you reach whatever financial goals you have as a team. It will take you much longer to reach your goals as individuals versus as a successful martial team.
If you wanted to do it alone, why did you get married or engaged to be married?
Now that you know why you should be one with your money, let’s talk about how to do it.
Get a joint account. When Alex and I got married, we each had a couple of accounts. We started a joint account very shortly after our wedding (like within the next couple of days) so we could deposit our Honeymoon money into one account.
After the Honeymoon, we began the task of closing our personal accounts. If you’re wondering what you do if you want to make a surprise purchase for your spouse, let me address that here.
First, let’s define surprise. This is a purchase that you and your spouse can afford and hopefully have budgeted for. This would also be a purchase for your spouse as a gift not a surprise to permanently keep from your spouse.
Alex and I have a monthly budget. When we know a Holiday or a birthday is approaching we set aside funds for the other person to purchase a gift(s).
We also advise that person not to look too closely at the account that month, but they’re free to do so after the holiday or birthday.
Now, I must confess. I still have a personal account that my husband is not on. However, this account is with my Step-Father and allows us to get free Cashier’s checks to pay him rent or if my parents want to transfer money for my birthday or for our son. My husband can see this account whenever he wants. There is usually a zero balance because it’s hardly used but if he ever feels that he needs to see it, he has free rein to do so.
If having separate accounts works best for you and your spouse then my advice would be to make sure your spouse has access to view the balance if they would like.
My husband hasn’t asked for the balance in my personal account because he trusts me. When you marry a person who trusts you and you don’t give him or her a reason not to trust you, being open about your money isn’t a problem.
Create a budget sheet. Alex and I use Google Sheets to keep track of our expenses. The mobile app allows us to both see our expenses and notate where the money was spent. Having a central place where all the purchases are listed for the month fosters the transparency ever couple needs.
Have a monthly meeting. At the end of the month, Alex and I meet to discuss how much we spent, where we can cut back or afford to increase an expense, excess income and savings. If we made more than it costs to live that month, we decide where every dollar will go. Doing this together establishes trust and allows both spouses to be equally involved in the financial aspect of the marriage.
You got married (I hope) with the intention of staying married. Show your spouse you’re fully committed by being transparent with your money!
If this post was beneficial to you or if you have any questions, please let me know in the comments below!
